


Shadows and Stains

by Joy_in_the_House, MinervaNorth



Series: Shadows in the Dark and Stains on My Heart [1]
Category: Chicago Med
Genre: Dehydration, Gen, IV mention, Trauma, Workaholic, emergency department
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 11:38:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22669900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joy_in_the_House/pseuds/Joy_in_the_House, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinervaNorth/pseuds/MinervaNorth
Summary: Crockett Marcel only became a doctor to help people.Trauma surgery was the niche he fell into.He just wanted to help. The moment people find out what he's doing to himself to keep helping, they'll cut back his hours.No one needs to know.
Series: Shadows in the Dark and Stains on My Heart [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1630843
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Shadows and Stains

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MinervaNorth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinervaNorth/gifts).

> Ahh. Got this idea watching Chicago Med 5x02 "We’re Lost In The Dark" and 5x13 "Pain is For the Living".  
Thank you to my dear MinervaNorth for the ideas and whump help (AND EDITING)

**October 2, 2019**

**0812 Hours**

**Gaffney Chicago Medical Center**

**Crockett**

Honestly, I know I'm a little too much of a workaholic. Kel tells me that a lot. I just tell her I'm focused on my job. I have to be.

I just can’t afford the luxury of being comfortable enough in my surroundings to relax. I've done it before, it doesn't end well. If I don't focus, then there is a damn good chance of something going wrong. And no one, especially me, can afford something going wrong. Not now. Not anymore. I've only just been allowed more shifts again. 

I've lost count of the number of times I've lost someone on the table. I know I shouldn't focus on that, but I became a surgeon to help people, and my ledger has way too much damn red. 

I blink. Shit. I gotta scrub in. I'm almost spacing out, I'm so damn tired. 

If I can just focus on one case at a time, moment by moment, I'm okay.

“Dr. Marcel, are you ready?” I hear Maggie’s voice, confident but pleased. 

"Yes, ma'am," I say, giving her a bit of a smile. She winks as we head in. 

* * *

I head for the staff room on autopilot, grabbing a granola bar from my bag. I just stare at it for a moment. I don't remember why I even grabbed it.

Oh, hell. I let myself mentally run the surgery again, trying to remember why I came in here.

“Marcel!” 

When I look up, Jim Lanik is at the door, looking harried. 

“Marcel, we got a hot one, I need you.”

I nod, tossing the granola bar in my locker, slamming it shut. I'm halfway into Baghdad when I realize I didn't eat it. I almost groan. Whatever. 

"History?" I bark to the closer PIC or nurse. It's like I'm in a haze. I'm doing my job, but I'm almost not really all there.

Lord, someone shake me out of this before I hurt somebody.

I see Maggie barely squint at me. I see the unspoken  _ you good? _

I nod.  _ Yeah.  _ I blink hard, shaking myself out a bit, turning back to the patient.

* * *

I hear her voice, but it doesn’t quite slip into my brain until she repeats herself.

“Crockett, how you doin’?”

"Hmm?" I glance up at her from the paper. "I'm here, I'm dear, what else can I say?" I make myself snort.

She keeps peering at me. I can feel her gaze. “I don’t feel like you’re being truthful, and I’m callin’ you out.”

"I’m okay," I promise. "Just…" I shrug. "Yeah, I'm good." I sit down, file in hand, the words jumping a bit. 

She squints at me one last time. “Eat something,” she says as an alarm blares and she circumvents the station to go check. 

I watch her go, then look back at the chart. 

When the hell  _ did  _ I last eat? It's middle of the day Wednesday, I started… Hell, I've gone since the graveyard shift Monday morning. Damn. Pulled another damn triple, dammit. Which means last thing I ate was a donut in the staff room yesterday evening. 

Well, shit. 

I hear Maggie, but I'm wrapped up enough in my thoughts to not really listen. She just gives instructions to Dr. Halstead as they wheel the patient in and transfer him onto the table. 

Whatever instructions completed, she gives me another look, snapping her fingers at me and pointing before going back to work.

I snort. I'm not entirely sure what she means, but it is what it is. 

I manage to somehow fly relatively low for the rest of shift, at least until right before handoff. 

I see Jim coming from a mile away. "Hey, Marcel, listen, is there a chance-"

"Yeah, I can stay." I give him a grin. God, I'm  _ exhausted.  _

"Thanks. We've had an influx of calls in because of the storm, and our day surgeon can’t make it in. Just heads up, there are gonna be a bunch of students around," he says, and I nod. 

"I'll be sure to watch my step."

"God,  _ thank you,"  _ I hear him say as he starts to walk away, and I snort. 

"I'm your man, Lanik!" I call after him, chuckling. I see him turn again, looking at me for a moment. 

"Make sure you're ready to go, you have half an hour between shifts, not including handoff, okay?"

I nod. "Thanks." 

He moves off again, and I sit down hard. 

Oh, hell. I pull my phone out, texting Kelley. 

_ Pulling one more rip, then I'm out. You good? _

She replies nearly instantly.  _ You fucker. You only JUST started picking up again. Don't overdo it. I'm heading for the rink later to run solo drills. You better be home when I get back.  _

I send her a thumbs up emoji, then go back to the chart.

Maggie slides up next to me, crossing her arms tight over her chest. I don’t look up right away, but I feel her gaze boring into me. 

"Yes, hi, hello, can I help you? How are you feelin'? Can I get you anythin'?"

She pushes a bottle of water into my chest. “Can you  _ please _ , for the love of God, take a break. I know you’re trying to push yourself to the brink because you’re taking a day and a half for the Gerwitz wedding, but please, can you  _ make  _ it to the wedding? Thanks.”

I snort, cracking the bottle and taking a drink. "Yes, ma'am. I'll do my best."

“If you don’t take at least twenty minutes and eat a power bar or something, I’m going to tattle on you to Dr. Lanik.”

I sign off, close the file, and I hand it to her as I stand up. "Goin'  _ right now. _ " 

“Thank you!” She says, giving me a knowing smile. “You have solved my puzzle.”

"You're ridiculous, an' I love you," I tell her. 

I swear I head for the vending machine, but I pause, glancing around. It's- God forbid-  _ quiet.  _ Enough so that… hmm. I duck into a bay, shutting the curtain. I work quick. I pop a bag of fluids, hopping up on the bed. My fingers are tingly and a bit shaky as I hook up the line, starting one in my arm. Always my arm. Ideally my right, but we can't always have our way. 

I set my watch, grabbing the copy of a memo I still have yet to read. I just settle down, watching the drip. I am  _ woefully  _ dehydrated, I know that, so hopefully this is enough of a second wind. 

Yeah, as much as people rag on me, whether Lanik, or Maggie, or Kelley…  _ these  _ are the ideal days. Just straight  _ work.  _ Maybe sorta hate what they do to me, but I'd rather be busy than not. I love my job, and I'll damn well do it. 

God, watching the drip is soothing. My eyes are way too heavy to keep open. Hell, I set my watch. Five minutes, or however long, won't make a difference. So I let myself doze. 

I'm not quite sure how long I'm out, but I hear talking just outside the curtain. I check my watch, and there's maybe a minute left, but I click it off with my thumb, pulling the memo up as I try to blink awake. I try to look up, trying to at least appear somewhat nonchalant as someone walks in. Oh, the kid. April's brother… Noah? I think so. 

I raise a lazy eyebrow.

“What’s goin’ on?” He says in a low voice. “You doin’ okay, Dr. Marcel?”

Fuck, the line is still running. I reach over, disconnecting it and toss it as I get up, taping it over with a single, careless piece. 

"He-ey," I drawl, smirking. "Just gettin' a head start on the day, Sexton." 

He gives me a bit of a roguish grin. “Have a rough night or somethin’?”

I snort. "What do you take me for?" 

“Hey, I ain’t gonna tell,” he chuckles. “April—I’m sorry,  _ Nurse Sexton— _ was just sendin’ me on rounds.”

"Oh, she was, huh?" I check to make sure the bay is as I came in, and I head into the hallway, swinging the  _ still  _ unread memo in my hand.

“Yeah, don’t get caught, she might send  _ you  _ on something you don’t wanna be a part of,” he grumbles. “Not sayin’ I don’t mind seeing you, Dr. Marcel. You seem to be my kind of people.” He just lets out another arrogant chuckle. I feel the lack of confidence hiding beneath.

"Yeah, watch out," I mutter. I knock my knee on a stupid cabinet, and I hiss, stumbling a bit. I catch myself, and I'm just praying that drip helped, because I'm still just a bit damn dizzy.

He squints at me a little. “Hey, Dr. Marcel, were you…?”

"Drunk?" I snort. "Not when it matters, grasshopper." I let it sound as damn cocky as I can. God knows it's more than I feel. 

Sexton just chuckles, giving me a little head nod. “You know where it’s at, Dr. Marcel,” he says, backing out of the room. “I’ll cover your exit.”

I hum, then sigh a bit. Hell, let the kid think what he does. Better that's the story he thinks than the truth, even. 

Kid doesn't need to know I'm starting the last leg of a completely voluntary cumulative 36-hour shift. 

Most people tend to balk at the thought of doing it for the good of the patients, sacrificing themselves for the patients at the expense of a lousy few days after. So what? I'll gladly do it.

I head out, passing Sexton, giving him a little nod. He gives me half a smirk back, like he thinks he knows something that he doesn’t really know.

Good enough for me. What the kid doesn't know won't hurt him. 

Knowing me, I'll probably finish and go home, then wake up tomorrow, muscles cramping miserably from exhaustion and dehydration, maybe a migraine, but hey. I'm doing my damn job. 

That's all anyone needs to know.

**Author's Note:**

> More med fics to come because I can't get enough of Dr. Marcel!  
Min, for you! *blows kiss*  
She's like... Peak Noah and Peak Maggie


End file.
